New Description for Dark Soul Silenced – Part One

I’m planning on making a change to the book description for Dark Soul Silenced – Part One and would love some feedback.  Here’s the new description…

These vampires don’t sparkle.  They hunt and kill, driven to evil by the raging darkness inside them.  From the moment they feed on their first victim they are lost – but what if the darkness was destroyed before that happened?  What would be left?  Something not seen in thousands of years.

A chance encounter leaves Daniel in just that position. With no memories of who he once was, and powers he barely understands, can he survive in a world where all magical powers are viewed as a sign of darkness? Can he convince others that he is free from evil?

And is he? Has the darkness truly been purged from his soul? Or is it merely driven into hiding deep within, silenced for now but waiting to strike again?

 

And here’s the old one for comparison…

What is left when the darkness is burnt from a vampire before it makes its first kill? Something not seen in thousands of years.

A chance encounter leaves Daniel in just that position. With no memories of who he once was, and powers he barely understands, can he survive in a world where all magical powers are viewed as a sign of darkness? Can he convince others that he is free from evil?

And is he? Has the darkness truly been purged from his soul? Or is it merely driven into hiding deep within, silenced for now but waiting to strike again?

I think the new one has a much better hook in the first couple of lines, which is so important as people may not read any further if those lines don’t catch their attention.  It also makes it clear that these are the old fashioned kind of vampires, the sort that Dracula fits right into.

What do you think?  Does the new description work better?  Is there anything you’d change?  Please let me know…

 

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